I really didn't want to watch something called “Battlestar Galactica” when Brandon started playing it in the living room of our apartment shortly after we'd moved to Portland. “That's the worst title I've ever heard,” I scoffed, and I walked out of the room, busying myself in the kitchen, trying my best to be disinterested. But when Tricia Helfer, one of the hottest blonds ever to appear on television, dropped her dress and mounted James Callis like a wild animal, her Cylon spine glowing red as she ground her bare hips into him, I realized this might be some science fiction I could actually get behind. Gritty, dark, dramatic, and sexy as hell, this show had everything I could possibly want. I became a raging Battlestar Galactica geek overnight.

Battlestar Galactica, or BSG for short, is based on a terrible Star Wars ripoff of the same name from 1978. The original series is so bad it's practically unwatchable (although at one low point in my life I did force myself to watch every single episode), but the basic premise is the same as in the new series: Humans live on a colony of twelve planets, the capital of which is called Caprica. They've got a treaty with some robots called Cylons and are living in relative peace. Then the Cylons launch a surprise attack on the colonies, killing almost everyone, and the last remnants of humanity, less than 50,000 people, form a “ragtag fleet” of a few dozen surviving spacecraft and rally around the Battlestar Galactica, lead by Commander Adama, to flee from the Cylons and search for a new home, specifically a mythical place called “Earth” (*wink, wink*).

There are no foam-rubber costumes in the new BSG (unless you count Lee's fat suit in Season 3, but that's beside the point). There are no puppets, no ridiculous blue-skinned people. In fact, there aren't any aliens at all. Some of the Cylons now look just like people, but for the most part you don't initially know which people are actually Cylons. The rest of the Cylons still look like robots – robots more terrifying then anything George Lucas ever dreamed of in his worst nightmares. When fighter pilots go to battle in space or members of the resistance fight Cylons on the ground they don't shoot lasers at each other, they use bullets, and it gets bloody. There isn't a whole lot of futuristic technology, other than the spaceships, which are constantly in a state disrepair.

And yes, they say “frack” instead of “fuck” for no apparent reason, other than they can get away with it. They say it often, and always with a straight face. You get used to it. In fact, people have been saying it on other, more popular shows lately. Even shows other than 30 Rock. Vanessa Williams said “frack” on Ugly Betty last night!

Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, the creative forces behind the re-imagined BSG, produced a piece of sci-fi that's more stripped-down and rife with drama than anything that had ever been attempted within the genre before. It's not about going on adventures and exploring the galaxy, it's about the human condition, the last of a broken, dying race and their final desperate attempts to survive against all odds. It's about political and civil unrest, dealing with tremendous loss, and hopelessly trying to find peace amidst chaos. And it's about sweaty, passionate human-on-Cylon sex, gods damn it!

The complete story of BSG was told in four seasons and two direct-to-DVD movies (the second of which contains full-frontal nudity and was directed by Edward James Olmos, who also plays Adama). The final season was the most dramatic and action-packed collection of episodes I've ever seen from any television show, and it lead up to the most spectacular finale imaginable.

In April of 2009, the feature-length pilot of a BSG spin-off, Caprica, was released directly to DVD. The first minute of Caprica features topless women making out, bloody bare-fisted boxing, and a chick shooting a guy to death and then shouting, “Yeah!” Caprica will tell the story of how the Cylons were created and how they ended up turning against humanity. I have to say, as big a fan I am of BSG, judging by Caprica's pilot, it looks like this show might be even better. The shitty thing was this incredible pilot came out, and then we were told the show wouldn't start until early 2010. My roommate even refused to watch it because it would only make the wait that much more unbearable.

Well let the BSG marathons begin, because the wait is almost over! The Caprica series will finally begin airing on the Syfy network (I still can't believe that's their stupid name now, but whatever) two weeks from today on January 21st. If you haven't watched any BSG yet, it's a lot of content to get through in two weeks, but it's doable. However, it's not necessary to be familiar with BSG to enjoy Caprica, because the new show is purposely being made to work as a stand-alone. In fact, it's a lot more accessible than BSG in a lot of ways, and it has some amazing talent involved in its production, including some veterans of the shockingly good dramatic television series, Friday Night Lights.

I'm so excited I could shit.